I am fortunate enough to have been practicing staying at home since December. What most people do not know about me, is, I had taken a leave of absence from work and was off all of January, February, March, and am now teaching from home. This post details my personal mental health struggles, how I ended up creating the “activities of daily living” document and how it helped me create structured days full of productivity and joy.

I was in a dark and low place in the fall. It has been a rough year and a half with my brother, Andy, ending his life in August of 2018. That month was a blur without much time to process. I was in Minnesota after his memorial on a Friday and at my first day of school on Monday. My dad did the same thing 8 months later in April of 2019. From April until June I held it together – my sister was getting married and I felt I needed to “stay strong” and composed to be as supportive as I could be during that event. My brother was supposed to be a groomsman and my dad was supposed to walk her down the isle. The memory of watching her walk herself down the isle still brings me to tears. She was strong and beautiful. I was a useless puddle for weeks after her wedding. I was walking around my house like a sobbing toddler most of the time. I would be outside gardening and just sobbing. The puddling had to come to an end though, because it was time to teach again. August 1st was my first day of school as well as the one year anniversary of Andy’s death. So much had happened in a year – Dustin and I had bought a house, kept working through grad school, moved and changed schools, my dad died, a couple of good friends had died, my sister had her wedding – lots of big events without a lot of time to process.

Teaching 8th grade science doesn’t give you much space to process either. I got into a routine with some daily goals of :

1. Don’t freak out on the children and don’t do something that will get you fired.

2. Don’t impulsively quit your job.

3. Don’t take anything a 13 year old says or does personally.

I managed to make those things happen, but at the cost of my quality of life. Doing those three things Monday – Friday from 7am – 3:30pm took every ounce of energy and self-control I had within me. I had ok days and I had bad days, but I held it together at school. August, done. September, done. October, done. The days and months blurred together. By this time my mind was pretty dark and I was miserable. I had nothing left to give myself, Dustin, or my friends. I knew what I was doing was not sustainable and I needed a big change. I needed to go outside and adventure again. I needed to be social. I needed to be able to make and keep commitments. I needed to be able to have fun. I needed to be able to find joy in the things around me. I needed to take care of myself. I needed to slow down. I needed more simplicity. I needed to be able to help others, and not just merely drag myself through each day. I needed to exercise and eat well. I needed to figure out this new version of me. This new version of me who I hated. I hated how sad I was. I hated how negative I was. I hated how apathetic I had become in regard to anything. I hated how I all of a sudden hated teaching. I hated how any little thing out there could remind me of my brother or dad. I hated seeing people happy and joyful because I would wonder if I could ever feel that again. I hated how I couldn’t even tell if I cared or not about my own well-being.

Well it turns out I do care about me. Time off of work is what I thought would serve me best. I would have the time and the energy to do the things that bring me joy and give me a sense of purpose. Time and energy. Some of my favorite concepts in physics. My counselor agreed that it was time to focus on my own mental health and that stepping away from teaching would be a good first step , BUT, we needed to have a plan for the time off.

It’s so incredibly easy to fall into some downward spiral sort of habits when you have a lot of free time. People have LOTS of time at home right now, so this is why I (reluctantly) made this post. I was hesitant because I’m not a mental health care expert, and it kind of puts me in a vulnerable place to tell the story of how I got here. However, having the time off saved me and having this plan as something to stick to was extremely helpful. I am concerned for many people’s mental health right now as people are “stuck at home”. In the US we’ve only been home for 1 week. Right now it’s all fun and games as people post about changing into a fresh set of pajamas at 10:30 pm and having not showered in 3 days. While seemingly harmless things, those things can have an impact on the way we feel about ourselves. Then we add the fear of the unknown...how long will this last? Will there be more serious lockdown measures? Does someone I love have the virus? Will there be enough food? When will schools open again? Can our hospitals handle this? Will our medical professionals have what they need?

Not feeling particularly good about yourself plus having some pandemic related fears is a recipe for some mental health disasters.

I had to fight for my time off. The first two mental health doctors I saw agreed with each other – I should keep working, stay busy, and I should take sleeping pills to help me sleep and anti-depressants to help me through the day. Both wrote me prescriptions for sleeping meds and anti-depressants. I’m not against those measures. They help many people. However, I wasn’t ready to try those yet. I was confident that if I just had some time to process, to grieve, to regain some sense of self, that I could forego the medications.

Their concerns were valid though. They both told me, most people who take time off of work for mental health reasons never “get better” and most do not return to work. This is because most people fall into poor self-care habits and destructive daily routines because it’s so easy to do!!!! It’s so incredibly easy to stay in pajamas, binge watch hours of shows in the background on a TV or computer, scroll through social media feeds on a cell phone in the foreground, like or comment on something with the illusion of being social, eat an overly processed sugared snack or meal, get enough energy to do something exciting, take a picture or video of it, post it on social media, get the fleeting happy feelings from the likes or comments, sugar crash, fall back into scroll mode, and before you realize it it’s dark out, it’s bedtime, but you’re not tired so you stay up late doing what you’ve done all day, only to sleep in a little bit later the next day and repeat the cycle. For those with kids, it’s probably quite similar, just amplified!

I kept fighting for myself though – I knew I needed the time off. I went prepared to the third doctor. I had a note from my counselor who I’d been seeing every other week. I also had the Activity of Daily Living plan I had created. I was not going to sit around and eat crappy food and watch TV all day. That doctor approved my time off in December. My school district was extremely supportive. It seemed like a small win at the time, but months later I recognize it for what it was – it was my lifesaver.

I stuck to my ADL plan because I did care about my mental health and my future. My ADL plan is super flexible which also made it easy to carry out. When I created it I was mostly in the “red zone” and sometimes in the “orange zone”. The daily schedule was flexible based on my mood, my cognitive level, and my energy level. I committed to my morning routines and must-dos. I committed to my bedtime routines and must dos. Fresh clothing everyday is important. Now is a great time to practice your daily flossing habit! Technology time limits are going to be a challenge – this doesn’t count working from home. This is for watching shows, movies, and scrolling through social media – non-work related screen time. Find your own balance, and find what works for you. Executing my morning and nighttime routines made me productive during the day. Day after day I had less and less red and orange days and more yellow, green, and purple days….the colors will make sense when you open the file at the bottom! Many will scoff when they see no alcohol – I had already been a non-drinker for three years when I created this so that commitment wasn’t a crazy, overly-ambitious goal! It’s a game changer though – since everyone is not “going out” that social pressure is off for the time being so it could be a good time to give the no-drinking a try!

This time at home, this slow down has a lot of potential. It has potential to create a more mindful, empathetic, healthy, caring, and creative population. It also has potential to put a lot of people in a deep funk. One of those you really need to work for and one of those you fall into. Which group do you want to be in moving forward?

This was way longer than I intended. I am not a mental health professional and I am not saying this is the way. This was something extremely personal to me and this worked for me and my mental health. I cannot write all of this without putting a shoutout to all the people who supported me during this time. You know who you are – you helped get me through those red and orange days, and you helped me have the fun and joy on the yellow, green, and purple days. I love you.

Here is a link to view the ADL in a google document. If you’d like to use it, click “file” then “make a copy”. You will then be able to edit it to fill in what you think you need to be your best you.